Ham. It’s just ham.

Emotions are interesting. For me, it has been quite the journey to unlock, control, and accept them. As a teenager, I was always so focused on my goals that I saw showing my emotions as a sign of weakness.

When I joined my first ballet company, one of my coworkers thought I was a cold and emotionless bun-head because I was so quiet, rarely showed feelings, and focused everything on my skills. Then came our tour to Spain…Spain has a lot of ham. One day, we were trying to find a place to eat while most shops and cafes were closed for siesta. The one place open nearby was only serving ham sandwiches. It had been about 3+ years since I ate ham, but a girl’s got to eat, so I gave it a try and it didn’t seem so bad. Flash forward 2 hours after taking the train to Barcelona. When we arrived, my stomach began to cause me a lot of pain. It was so bad that I could barely stand up and yes, I began to cry in the middle of crowded downtown Barcelona. This was the first time that coworker saw me cry and till this day she claims it is the moment she realized I was a real human with a soul. (We’ve been best friends ever since)

I am much more open with my emotions these days. Yesterday, in the middle of yoga, I had a complete meltdown. I went into the hot room as I usually did ready and hydrated for class, but as soon as we hit the floor, I was flooded with emotions. Emotions I could not handle. My heart hurt, the heat was annoying me, and my muscles were so fatigued they began jittering. What was going on? I was thinking, hold it together, finish your practice, you’ll be fine. My body had another plan though and released the floodgates. I felt so emotional that I couldn’t physically do the postures and had to sit some out. The teacher asked if I was ok and of course I replied yes, but I wasn’t and have no clue why. Maybe I was just being a girl, and letting go some of the stuff in my heart? Maybe it was my emotions from the night before finally letting themselves out? Maybe it was because I didn’t get the same sleep I usually do? All I know is I let it happen. I laid there and cried and took deep breaths and let the feelings run their course. Then I rejoined the class for the final few postures. Guess what, I felt so much better after! I think it was just stuff that needed to come out.

My emotions often come out at odd times, like the ham incident. I mean really? I cried over ham? haha Sometimes it is hard to decipher when to show your emotions and when to hold them in and be tough. People may judge you or you may feel vulnerable. However, I believe it is perfectly fine to show how you feel, when you feel it. It will only allow you to go through life more truthfully and open ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Kaia and I. Thanks to that ham sandwich for bringing me this best friend :)

Kaia and I. Thanks to that ham sandwich for bringing out my emotions and giving me this best friend ๐Ÿ™‚

 

St. Patrick’s Day and Memories

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone!

This day always brings so many great memories to mind.

In case you don’t know, I was a competitive Irish Step Dancer growing up. I absolutely loved Irish Dancing. It was athletic, competition, hard work, and celebrated my heritage. Since our heels weren’t allowed to go down when we jumped, I eventually had to choose between continuing with Irish Dancing or focussing mainly on ballet. I chose ballet and am very glad I did, but sometimes I miss putting on my wig and costume, getting on stage and doing a jig ๐Ÿ™‚

Me in my costume at a feis

Me in my costume at a feis

Other memories St.Patrick’s day brings me are those of my grandfather James (Poppy) Hickey. I always looked up to him a great deal. He was incredibly intelligent, and seemed to know about and the answer to nearly anything you asked him. And who could forget his humor. He didn’t speak all too much but when he did, it was certainly meaningful and significant or bound to laugh you into tears. I loved him so much and in honor of him on this St.Patrick’s Day, enjoy one of his favorite Irish songs ๐Ÿ™‚

“Don’t Tell Me What I Can’t Do”

Have you ever gotten the feeling that people tell you “no” for things ย you believe 100% that you are capable of? If you have, you understand how frustrating it may be. I always say to myself “Don’t Tell Me What I Can’t Do”. It helps me to move past the negativity and continue on my dreams and new ideas. ย After all, no one has the right to put an end to other’s ideas and dreams.

This saying always reminds me of one of my favorite characters from LOST, John Locke. Throughout the series, we learn that throughout his entire life, he was faced with people telling him no. We watched as he grew angry and frustrated. However, in the end, his true colors shined through and John turned out to be one of the most intelligent, caring, whole-hearted individuals on the island. He is admirable and every time I am faced with negativity and people who try to tell me no, I think of him. ย We are all capable of everything we set our minds to.

So I encourage you to:ย Keep focused. Keep positive. Keep working hard. NEVER give up. The results will be encouraging. Anything and Everything is possible.

Here is a short clip of John telling off those who try to shut him down. ๐Ÿ™‚